I have been swamped lately tweaking my blog and working to add lots more info on travelling.
However, this is a such a crazy story; That I felt it was worth interrupting my web updating to share this wacky Yoga experience.
As many of you may know, At present, I am in Spain, and staying in a Town called Vilanova and La Geltru. The first time I came to this city, was fifty years ago, and amazingly enough, it hasn’t changed very much since then. Every time I return here, it is as if time has stood still, so possibly not the most scintillating place on earth.
For want of something better to do, (meaning nothing) I decided, on the recommendation of my good friend Sofia, to join her in a Yoga class. Sofia reckoned that her Yoga teacher was the best in the world. Needless to say, for obvious reasons, I was looking forward to the class and considering attending classes, during the length of my stay.
The arranged day came around, and off we went to the yoga class and the famed teacher. On arrival, my friend introduced me to several of the students. All of whom were very friendly and made me feel welcome. That is more than I can say for “Best Yoga teacher in the world" She completely ignored me! What a good start.
I have changed yoga queen’s name to “Snorty” for reasons you will soon discover. Allow me to describe Snorty. To begin with, she is very overweight, with which I truthfully do not have a problem. In fact, I had a gym instructor many years ago in Tenerife who was also rather obese but a superb teacher. We all loved her to bits. ''Snorty' was a different kettle of fish. She was not even amiable. Never at any given moment did she acknowledge my presence or even welcome me to the class. But not wanting to be too pre-judgmental I decided to give Snorty a chance and see how the class went.
After picking one of the thinner than thin mats, we were instructed by “you know who!” to sit on them and go into the Lotus position (Padmasana). Ouch! The last time I was in said position I was six months old! She then proceeded to tell us all to sit with a straight spine. How in heaven’s name would I know if my backbone was straight? As hard as I tried, my head wouldn’t turn round so far as to see behind me. She reminded us to keep a calm mind and to be completely focused and relaxed. Focused and relaxed? How in the Lord’s name could I achieve that? I was still worrying about straightening my seen better days vertebrae. Following this, we were supposed to take the left leg and place it on the left thigh! Oh, Deary me! I meant the right! Once the class achieved this, we had to take the right leg and place it on the. Uuum left thigh. Well, this was just great because at this moment my silly left limb decided to slide down to my right knee and not budge! (Are you getting confused with all this left leg and right leg jabber? Yes? Well, I am very pleased to hear that I am not the only featherbrain in existence. Oh, Gawd Gawd, no way was I ever going to get the other leg to go anywhere where it had to go. I tried so hard, but the rotten limb refused to cooperate. I was very pleased since I had had the disturbing thought. “Just HOW I would get out of this position if I ever got into it!” I kept imaging being stuck in the now very ‘Loathsome Lotus’ and being rushed off to the local hospital, where hopefully they would untangle me. With much frustration, I sneakily looked around at the other students and was horrified to see them all calmly sitting in the wretched perfect Padmasana pose. Have you ever felt like a complete and utter idiot? I hated every one of those students. Rotten pitches!
It was at that precise moment when I noticed that Snorty had a mobile phone stuck to her hand. How it got there, I will never know! Possibly “Super glue?” Anyway, the point is, her eyes were full-time fixed on the offending mobile. She was completely unaware of how we were all getting on with the darned yoga position. My poor Lotus looked more like a bedraggled twisted dead dandelion. Of course, with the amount of interest I got from haughty Snorty, I certainly had no hope of ever improving.
Suddenly Snorty returned to the living and informed us that we were going to practice Nadi Shodhana, or “alternate nostril breathing,” so that you know. It is a reliable technique that helps to settle the mind, body, and emotions. Used to calm the mind before beginning meditation, and contributes to ease racing thoughts when one is suffering anxiety, stress, or has trouble sleeping. She mentioned that it would take about five minutes to go through this new exercise. We had to close our eyes and then place our right thumb over our right nostril and breathe in through the left nostril; then we had to put the left ring finger over our left nostril and breathe out through the right nostril. Well, something like that! It was all very confusing for this numpty.
(I have posted an excellent video on the side panel of this post. It explains perfectly how to do this incredible exercise.)
To cut a long story short. Now for the best bit! I Backpacker Granny was very seriously trying to do this exercise when I started thinking that so-called five minutes was an extremely long five minutes. The time went on and on, and we were all still doing this right thumb dash left thumb job. "Jiminy Crickets!" Clearly, you have all at some time reached that point, when you are thinking “I have had enough now,” Dear friends, that was exactly I how I felt. My back was aching; my legs didn’t know where to put themselves. My bony butt hurt like hell. My sweet little peed off nostrils were screaming at me for having my darned fingers and thumbs blocking their air vents. I can tell you folks; this exercise did not in the least bit calm my flipping mind, body, and emotions. More to the point, I was just about to punch Snorty.
Just in time, Snorty (Now you know why I called her Snorty – I have never snorted so much of nothing in all my seventy - two years) came to life and told us how she had mistakenly set her lousy mobile alarm for thirty minutes instead of five. Oh, geez ¨thank you soppy Moo Moo!¨
“The Best Yoga Teacher in the World? I rest my case!
Will I return for another class? Not to Snorty, but for sure, this year when I go back to India I will be taking a serious professional Yoga course. I promise to keep my dear readers informed. Should at some point you read that Backpacker Granny is in the ICU in India. You will all know why!
How to do Nadi Shodhana - Alternate Nostril Breathing in Yoga
Alternate Nostril Breathing, is a powerful breathing practice with wide reaching benefits. Nadi is a Sanskrit word meaning "channel" or "flow" and shodhana means "purification." Therefore, nadi shodhana is primarily aimed at clearing and purifying the subtle channels of the mind-body organism, while balancing its masculine and feminine aspects. It is pacifying for all three doshas and is a suitable practice for most anyone.
Please Note! That not at any given moment do I decry Yoga. I know without a doubt that it is very individual and very beneficial to many people.
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