This a very funny story about the Lady who lost her knickers
This a very funny story about Frau who lost her knickers. I hope you enjoy this crazy happening.
As any hard and fast backpacker traveller will tell you, apart from seeing so many awesome and amazing countries, there is a host of incredible people you meet along the way. The Weirdos and the Wonderfuls the Nice and the Nasties, the Sociables and the Unsociable, the Well-Mannered and the Ill-Mannered, the Merrier and the Miserables, and so on and so forth.
A German lady (who I will call Birgit Lösser) staying at my hostel could be placed in both the categories of Weirdos and Miserables! Before I tell you about this strange woman, allow me to fill you in on the full picture of the hostel.
Bun Kao hostel is a perfect place to stay. Whenever I visit Siem Reap, I head to this super guest house where I can relax, chill and either enjoy the spectacular Angkor Wat or spend hours taking shots of the Tonle Sap lake with its awesome locals and breathtaking sunsets.
The owner of the hostel Mr Bun Kao is, in all honesty, one of the kindest, sweetest men you could ever wish to meet. He is so obliging it is almost to the point of subservient. Coupled with this, he's constantly smiling, in fact, I don't think I have ever seen him with a sour face. I might add he has the childish sense of humour for which the Cambodians are renowned. This amazing little man who measures about 4ft zero inches is truly adorable, and I love him to bits as do most of the other guests lodging here.
I met Birgit one evening when a group of us were about to leave the hostel for a bite to eat in one of the many delightful Khmer restaurants nearby. As I noticed that Birgit was very much on her own I naturally (foolish good Samaritan me) asked her if she would care to join us. Birgit assured me that she had eaten but would join us anyway, It was evident to see that she was delighted to have some company.
We found our designated restaurant, serving typical Khmer cuisine ..Cambodian Food (Using the Asian expression) is "Very Delicious" and cheap as or even cheaper than chips!!! We all ordered our preferred dishes barring Birgit who had already eaten so consequently limited herself to a glass of water! When the plates of mouthwatering mahop (Cambodian for Food) arrived, suffice to say we all had a little taste of each other eats Including Birgit!!! Who, wasn't hungry and had eaten!!!
Ana one of the girls in the group had ordered "Amok Fish" which is a very popular national dish in Cambodia, and every time I eat it, I delight in the wonderful flavours which includes one of my favourites which is fish. It is cooked in a thick and creamy coconut sauce, flavoured with a combination of spices, including saffron, lemongrass, and garlic, the sauce is called Kroeung. This delicious combination is wrapped up in a large banana leaf and served with plain white rice.
As the helpings were so enormous, Ana couldn't finish her excellent meal so reluctantly she had to leave it. It was then that we realised we had a vulture sitting on our table!... Birgit (Who wasn't hungry and. ) promptly grabbed Ana's dish and proceeded to devour every morsel down to the very last grain of rice!!! We were all flabbergasted! I mean really, this woman didn't know any of us from Adam, and there she was gorging on our leftovers! Because we are all beautiful, correct, polite and well-mannered people, we were in state shock and mutism! In other words, we were left darned speechless!
One would think that after that little episode I would have avoided the gannet Birgit like the plague, but believe me, much easier said than done! Just so you can see where I am coming from, let me describe Birgit!
Birgit was in her late sixties. And as I mentioned before, she came from Germany. She was a single lady and might I add that she has always been in the unwedded state, plus she has no children. Apparently she miscarried many moons ago, but said she wasn't too affected since she reckoned that she most probably wouldn't have been a very good Mother. But who's to know how she really felt.
Now Birgit wasn't by any means ugly, but neither was she stunningly beautiful. When, in the course of time, she inform me that she weighed 100 kilos.. which is about 15.74 stone. I got the feeling that if she had lost a few of those kilos, she could have been far more attractive.
Sadly she was pretty much the "Eins, Zwei, Drei" and "Ve haf vays of making you tock" sort of person. Just to give you an idea, a very lovely lady from Turkey whose name was Ayla and also staying at our hostel, casually mentioned that she might accompany her to the temples, but then on reflection for whatever reason she cancelled. Oh my sweet Lord, if you had heard Birgit the way she was carrying on, I felt sure that if there had been a gas chamber nearby, poor Ayla would have immediately been dispatched. Not nice at all!
The very next morning there she was sitting as large as life in the breakfast area. Noooo not Ayla! Frau Birgit in person! And where the heck do you think she was perched?. Yep! At my favourite table! Cautiously I took my place and hoped she wouldn't be too much of a pain and that she wouldn't start tucking into my breakfast! It seemed that this woman was on a very tight almost to strangling point budget. As a result, she was forever looking for the best deals and prices to go anywhere. On this particular morning, she started to question me on the cheapest way to get to the waterfalls. Now I go everywhere on a motorbike taxi, I love the fun of skirting in and out between the traffic, it is much quicker than a tuk-tuk and also far more economical. But when I mentioned the motorbike she gave me a horrified look. That was when she told me how much she weighed.. and added "Ow can I go on a motorcycle, I am too eavy. " I was on the point of telling her that a vast majority of Cambodians rode around with several live pigs tied on the back of their motorbikes, so didn't think she would have a problem... Fortunately I stopped myself in time, when I realized that she could possibly think I was calling her a pig. At the end of the day I had no intention of offending her. Who knows perhaps I wouldn't be alive to write this blog..!!!
The finale of Birgit came on her last day! Seemingly she had handed in some clothes to be laundered the day before. Well, there was Ayla and myself sitting in the main reception area minding our own business when Ze lady herself comes stomping down the stairs with the biggest pair of black knickers in her hand! Flipping enormous. I assure you they were absolutely massive!! Well, Frau marches over to the reception to our lovely Mr Bun Kao, and frantically waving the offending bloomers in his face shouts, Zer eeez two of theeez missin ..Theezis a big problem!
At this point, I could already see the funny side of the scenario! Can you get the picture? So I couldn't resist shouting out "Mr B K, Oh no.. have you stolen her knickers???" Ayla was nudging me and telling me to shut up and poor Mr B K is nervously trying with all his might to pacify Birgit.
Birgit was so agitated and mad she seemed totally unaware of my naughty jokes or perhaps she just chose to ignore me! The next thing Mr B K comes out of reception with the smallest torch imaginable! Clearly, he was going to use it to search for the two missing humongous knickers!! I did call to Mr B K saying that instead of a mini light, he would need a dozen enormous spotlights or strobes to find them .. Brigit was still screaming zat it vood be a big problem if zey ver not found!
The only issue I could see was her actually possessing such offensive underwear. I am convinced that her bloomers were the root of all her problems.. To this day I still ask myself HOW could such humongous knickers get lost?
After searching the hostel from top to bottom, the offending underwear was found. We never discovered where! but I would think that definitely NOT in some drop-dead gorgeous man's bedroom) Our friend was very happy that she would be leaving Cambodia with all her undies! And Mr Bun Kao lived to tell the tale.
Long live gorgeous sexy underwear! I rest my case 🙂