My hostel (Thai Marigold)

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Marigold HotelI have come to the conclusion that the hostel where I stay in Bangkok is a Thai version of"Marigold Hotel" and if by any chance you haven't seen this film, you must! It is so true to life in India and extremely funny. Yesterday I finally managed to see "The Second Exotic Marigold Hotel" it was just as hilarious as the first one..I thoroughly recommend both of them

In the film, The Marigold hotel caters for an older middle-aged clientele, well in my hostel we go even better as we have a real mish mash of races, religions and ages ranging from young, mature, extremely mature, and as mature as you can get, in other words pretty ancient!

Life is never dreary with all these guests, but of course there are always those who stand out from the crowd. Today I am going to write about a few of the characters and their strange behavior..

TALKATIVE TOM

So, let me start with Tom, an authentic middle-aged fruitcake American who has been coming to the hostel since as far back as I can remember. Providing one is not completely stone deaf, you will always know when Tom has arrived, his loud drawling voice can be heard in every corner of the building, it doesn't matter if you are on the fourth floor and he is on the ground floor, I guarantee you will hear him. Now if it was just his booming voice one had to put up with, it wouldn't be too bad, but on top of that he is a full-blown talkaholic! Gordon Bennett! can that man talk! Verbal diarrhoea is putting it mildly, Even to the point of when someone who's attention span has started to wan walks away from him, he still carries on yakking. Unbelievable but true! I have no doubt that should he see somebody off at the airport, he will still be jabbering away even after they have finally reached their destination (the mere fact that the person would have left several hours before is a small detail that dear Tom most certainly wouldn't notice.

talkative-duct-tape-solution

Apart from being excessively communicative Tom has an interesting facet to his personality which is his taste in sex partners! Every time he arrives in Thailand we are all informed of his latest partner or should I say partners!. Occasionally they are much older ladies, other times they are considerably younger and more often than not there are a few Lady boys added to his list. Obviously he firmly believes "Variety is the spice of life"

Tom will spend a short time in the hostel hell-bent on driving us all to distraction with his incessant prattle when suddenly out of the blue, a group of funny looking strange (not too sure on the gender) let's say females! will appear and he departs with all his gear. Jumping Jellybeans silence reigned! Well that was till 'Jabbering John” arrived on the scene.

JABBERING JOHN

J.J in all honesty is a very nice kind man, but unfortunately at nighttime somebody winds his voice box up to continuous play, so much so that from the moment he arrives downstairs for breakfast time he is one continuous chatterbox till the time he disappears at night to obviously rest NOT his weary body, but his darned weary voice and get rewound.! I wonder why elderly men always talk about what they “HAVE BEEN” isn't it more important what “YOU ARE?” This man has done everything conceivable in this big wide world … From working with the FBI to shark hunting, consequently I am now also an expert on all these subjects. If you want to know how to build a boat, be an S.O.S agent, or brave the monsters of the deep… I am your girl!

 It got so bad that I have actually told JJ that I couldn't hear myself think, to which I think he took umbrage since he didn't speak to me for several days, (regrettably that didn't stop him speaking to all the other poor victims) anyhow  in order  avoid further conflict, I went and bought myself the biggest set of ear-phones that you can ever imagine..

Thank goodness for earphone!
Thank goodness for earphone!

I look like a real mod chick sitting at my computer writing this blog plus I am now totally deaf to the world as I sit and listen to Tracy Chapman blaring into my sweet little ears "Baby can I hold you".. Yes that would be a nice idea, but not the oldies in my hostel, more alluring would be some drop-dead gorgeous hunk about one hundred years younger than me! Dream on Backpacker granny!

FLOOZY SUZY

Suzy is a very sweet friendly Thai lady who lives permanently at the hostel and actually happens to be in the same dorm as me. The very first time I set eyes on her was in the bathroom where scantily dressed in a rather transparent lace body she was sitting on the floor posed in the classic lotus position, meditating. My first reaction was to think “Holey moley! Another awful nutter has arrived” I admit that occasionally I am guilty of preconceived opinions as was the case with Suzy. It resulted that there was absolutely nothing awful about her, although the nutter bit… well perhaps I wasn't so far wrong there!!!

Our new addition to the guests of Hi Sukumvit has told us all that she works in an office, but in all honesty, she does have rather strange working hours, she leaves at mid-night and returns around six A.M in the morning. Her dress attire is something that in all my whole long life I have never ever seen worn by any office girl! I don't want to jump to conclusions but do you see where I am coming from? Come on folks you have to admit that it is a little bit odd to say the least! Oh well it really is up to her! Because on reflection, what she does outside of the hostel is none of my business and who is to say that my assumptions could be completely wrong, perhaps she is actually a female 007.

The problem with Suzy is that apart from her clandestine job, for the rest I feel she gives us far too much information particularly when she goes about the hostel relating to every backpacker that she plays with her toys.. No, of course I don't mean kids toys, I am talking about those other adult toys that ….. Oh heck, you know what I am talking about!!! The other day she actually dangled one in front of my face, to which I screeched at her to stop swinging the offending object in front of my eyeballs Ooooo Mann this is when I suddenly realized that she possibly was NOT right in the head! “Jumping Catfish!” the things this poor little Backpacker Granny has to put up with is truly beyond the call of duty..

.There is me fantasizing over a look alike "Channing Tatum" when the only reality is some stark stone raving lunatic relating her seedy secrets. Perhaps I should retire to my rocking chair and start gathering dust…OMG WHAT DID I JUST SAY??? NEVER!

Channing Tatum.. So so so........
Channing Tatum.. So so so........

Ladies do you now understand why I dream of this delectable man? Isn't he just truly irresistible? To hell with rocking chairs and gathering dust.. Lets all live, love and laugh till the very last day.